Ask my husband. I’m willing to do so embarrassing things for beauty … most recently, walking around every few weeks with laser scabs on my face the whole past year. And yet, there are other things that make me feel down right humiliated!
Let me ‘splain. This week I traveled to a few of my company’s West Coast offices, including the new L.A. office built inside a Frank Gehry building (sooo cool but I’m digressing). The L.A. office not only has a nice gym equipped with all sorts of aerobic and strengthening equipment, BUT also personal trainers on staff from 7 to 7! Well, the ambitious (or may be vain?) side of me jumped at the opportunity to fit in some hard-core training in addition my typical workout early in the AM.
For three days, my exhausted, fat ass was kicked around! And given how uncoordinated, weak and off-balance I am, I felt TOTALLY humiliated. I looked like an idiot jumping around, falling on my face and screwing up every exercise tried. I had the impression that I was in better shape than I was and that notion got quickly erased from my mind.
I’m not naive. I’m sure personal trainers see plenty of uncoordinated people like me but for some reason I felt like such an idiot.
Why is it that people can do all sorts of crazy, humiliating things (for beauty or any other reason for that matter) and it don’t bother them. But then one seemingly minor embarrassing thing puts them over the edge? I’m sure there’s a deep psychological answer to all of this. Could be that we connect certain types of humiliation to our pasts or maybe we have low or high expectations of ourselves in certain circumstances and they effect how much we care about being humiliated.
But in the end, I’m proud that I went day after day to endure the physical and emotional “pain” of the training. Will I continue with the exercises the trainers taught me? Not sure. But at least I challenged my thresh hold for humiliation and won (or at least my desire for beauty won!)