The Countdown to the Photoshoot Begins! Day 1: Land an Awesome Photographer

Day one of the 2 week count down to my photoshoot.

It’s time. I’m FINALLY getting my new headshots.  I’ve hemmed, hawed and avoided this project for years. And then I spent another few years looking for the perfect photographer: someone who will make me feel comfortable, understand what I’m trying to convey, and will make me look awesome! Note to self: I really despise the way I look in photos so it was super important that I gelled with my photographer. 

I found that person: Rebecca Rehder, founder of June 4th Studio. And the good news is I used to work with her years ago in the advertising biz! So not only do I feel comfortable with her, but she adds a strategic lens from her Ad Strategy background to her talent as an artist.  She really GETS me.  She put a ton of effort in to thinking through the my “brand,” the various looks I wanted to achieve. In all honesty, we started the process of thinking through this shoot a few weeks ago but I’m introducing her now as the first step to the photo shoot of a lifetime!  

Hope you follow me during this two-week countdown ūüôā

Are Beauties Bad for Business? Ban the Bias

Could beauty be a business liability? According to a recent edition of Harvard Business Review, it just might be. Well, if you are a woman that is. Professor Lead D. Sheppard of Washington State University and Stefanie K Johnson, an associate professor of the University of Colorado Boulder, published a study that showed how people will rate more attractive women in the workplace as ‚Äúless truthful, less trustworthy as leaders and more deserving of termination than their ordinary-looking counterparts.‚ÄĚ (‚ÄúFor Women in Business, Beauty is Liability‚ÄĚ) Haven’t we heard that beautiful men and women have a leg up in business? I‚Äôve written about this in a number of past posts (“Hotties Get More For Free” and “Did Newsweek Get It Right?” to name a few.) The article does point out that other studies have shown women rated high on the appearance scale did benefit from being seen as more competent. While that too reflects bias, I can see how that makes sense, i.e. if you assume those women who care for their appearance may also care for their work. But to assume anyone, based on their looks alone, is more or less truthful and honest, is disturbing, to say the least.  

Was it the methodology that was out of whack? Doesn‚Äôt appear that way. The professors had participants in the study read fictional articles about certain people with their photos attached, and then these participants were asked to rate the honesty of the people featured. The articles were quoting leaders explaining why certain people were laid off due to economic conditions (vs anyone‚Äôs failures). While the content remained the same, the pictures changed. There were pictures of more or less attractive men and women. Attractive men were regarded the same as unattractive men with regard to the different attributes. Not so for women.

The professors attribute some of this bias to our long history of believing women use their attractiveness to lure men. (Scary that this STILL is so deeply embedded in us.) Another reason for this bias is the long history of some women using their attractiveness to compete for men to climb social and economic ladders. Think beauty contests for example.

Many would argue that attractive people have it easier in life. There have been studies showing how attractive people get more attention, higher salaries for example. But that‚Äôs based on bias too! I‚Äôm so thrilled to say that we are now living in time of pushing to bust our biases, and a call for inclusion ALL people ‚ÄĒ all genders, ethnicities, backgrounds, in our schools, offices and media. But there are many other forms of bias we have to be aware of too. And women‚Äôs appearance, especially, is one of them. Let‚Äôs start by recognizing this is an issue, and remind ourselves that ALL people deserve a fair chance. Sexism is NOT ok. End of story.

Damned if You Do, Damned If You Don’t: In 2019, Let’s Be Done With With The Beauty Prejudice Already



Elizabeth I‘s make-up killed her.¬†At least according to some historians.¬†In her attempt to look youthful and blemish-free, the queen used a toxic white powder, Ceruse, containing high doses of lead.¬†As you can imagine, lead isn‚Äôt something you want to put on your face every single day for years. No wonder the prosthetics and cosmetics to turn Margot Robbie into Queen Elizabeth I in the much-anticipated film, Mary Queen of Scots, gets so much attention.¬†There’s an almost macabre fascination with it.¬†¬†Margot looks freaky and that “look” actually ends up killing her.

But my fascination with her appearance is for a different reason.¬†The queen went to great lengths to look like this (and suffer for it in multiple ways) for much of the same reasons we “kill” ourselves to look beautiful.¬†According to Rebecca Onion‘s detailed story in Slate, The Real Story Behind Margot Robbie‚Äôs Wild Queen Elizabeth Makeup, Elizabeth was stuck.¬†She was expected to look youthful and beautiful, as Onion explains: ‘People perceived a queen‚Äôs beauty as a sign of her divine right to rule.”¬†In other words, she had to look good for her job. Sound familiar? Being the Queen, and a virgin at that, she became a worshipped, a cult-like figure that MUST remain youthful.¬†Her appearance was one key aspect of that worship. “Living inside it all, Elizabeth clearly seemed to realize her presentation of a mask that didn‚Äôt slip was critical to her survival.” writes Onion.

At the same time, however,¬†there was a strong anti-face-painting movement brewing.¬†It’s questionable how much her subjects actually criticized her for it, but historians point to jokes made about her and published criticisms of the use of cosmetics in general stating that painted women are foolish, foul and abominable.¬†Elizabeth just couldn’t win this game. Either she loses for looking old and ugly or she loses for masking her changing skin. And no question, she loses to her make-up‚Äôs poisonous effects.

Times have changed.¬†Make-up won’t kill you (though some plastic surgery, like botched butt enhancements for example, can).¬†Women can lead without having to be worshipped. And adorning ourselves with cosmetics is second nature.¬†But we, women, aren’t fully immune from the high, and often complex, beauty expectations demanded of us in society.¬†We have to look youthful, so as not to be deemed as frumpy and, thus, old-fashioned or not on the cutting edge of our fields.¬†¬†And, at the same time, we can’t look too beautiful, so as not to appear too provocative or frivolous, and therefore, not smart or competent. Let’s be honest, how many of you — women and men — comment on what your¬†female corporate or political leaders wear vs your male leaders wear?¬†I remember these very discussions when my division was led by a woman.¬†¬†I willingly took part in these conversations too! I’m not blameless. We didn‚Äôt want our female leaders to appear unstylish. Now that it‚Äôs being led by a man, not a word is raised. I‚Äôm not saying male leaders aren‚Äôt expected appear a certain way.¬†It‚Äôs that it doesn’t become water cooler conversation, ever.

I love beauty.¬†I love to play with make-up, wear fun outfits and get my hair blown out.¬†I undoubtedly feel more confident and energized. And, yes, I want to be admired for it too.¬†But why does it need to go beyond that? Why do women have to be caught between all of these tensions?¬†Why can’t we look frumpy or dolled up without any of the negative associations? Why can’t we look beautiful without being accused of being flirty and flighty?¬†My only hope is that as men invest in their beauty more (according to the American Association of Plastic Surgery, in 2017, nearly 100,000 men had filler injections, a 99 percent increase since 2000), we will level the playing field, and the conversations will turn from what women and men look like to whether they have something worthy to say and give to society.


BE outside the box, don’t just think it! Kicking Off my New Adventure on Expansive Living

A few weeks ago I had the privilege of being both a panelist and a moderator for a few events at Advertising Week in NYC. ¬†One of the perks of being on the speaker roster was that I was chosen among a few other women to be interviewed by Katie Kempner for her video series: “Perspectives with Katie Kempner.” ¬†As Katie describes it on her site, this video series is a way to: “To inspire and empower working women who are attempting to live meaningful, happy, healthy lives as some combination of wives and partners, mothers, friends, sisters, daughters and successful professionals while retaining a sense of self and navigating the crazy 24/7 always-on life that is today‚Äôs reality.”

So what did we speak about? ¬†Prior to the interview — I’m talking minutes prior — she asked me what am I known for and what I do at Google. ¬†When I answered her, she looked at me nonplussed.¬† But when I told her that I live nine lives and try to integrate them all, then she got excited. ¬†And that topic became the main subject of our interview.

And, thus, this interview became the first real forum for me to discuss my next adventure: to share my story¬†on how to live a meaningful (successful?¬†happy? — still not sure of the exact description yet) life.¬†¬†Here goes: so many of us are an amalgamation of seemingly contradictory aspects.¬† When it comes to me, I’m part tech maven, part beauty/fashion commentator, part spiritual animal, part athlete, and part mother. ¬†But we don‚Äôt necessarily celebrate or push those sides to their fullest, and certainly don‚Äôt always weave them together.¬† For years, I‚Äôve been excited and energized, but also conflicted and challenged by the many nuances of myself.¬† On the one hand, I’ve been enriched by these many sides,¬†they have opened up new opportunities for me.¬† I realized it‚Äôs time to fully buy my own seemingly random but fruitful, fun, expansive approach to life and inspire others with it.

On the other hand, I’ve been accused of giving people a mind fuck. ¬†People often ask me, “wait, what, you work in tech and sit at the front row at fashion shows?” ¬†Or, “huh, your speaking on big stages about creativity all over the world and are raising three kids?” ¬†Or “you combine anthropology with technology?” And this is my favorite: “you dress like that and strictly observe the Jewish sabbath?” ¬†Yep.¬† And what’s more, it’s BECAUSE of these different sides that I can be as fulfilled as I am. ¬†Don’t get me wrong, I bitch and moan like the rest of us, so I’m not saying I’m fulfilled ALL the time. ¬†But when I take a step back I can say I have lived, and know I will continue to live, a pretty badass life. ¬†I believe I’ve found my success because I’ve embraced — versus compartmentalized or rejected– these different sides. ¬†What’s more, I have found ways to interconnect them.

In the video, I give an early life example of this.  I studied in small, yeshiva high school. This meant I endured intense days filled with secular and Jewish studies.  Needless to say, college was not just a breeze compared to that but definitely eye opening. I was exposed to many different types of people and subject matters.  Did I reject all that despite having slightly different upbringing or lifestyle? No way! Moreover, I took my treasure trove of judaic studies and applied them to almost every subject!  By combining my two different worlds I realized I could stand out, and ultimately, succeed.

Another example: when I transitioned from my advertising life to Google, I felt like the biggest fish out of water, a total charlatan.  What did I REALLY know about tech anyway? But I was an expert on how to uncover human insight.  I studied social anthropology in college and then spent 20 years partnering with anthropologists to help me uncover those insights.  Aha! That was my special sauce. Leverage the study of anthropology to uncover what drives our deep relationship to the digital space.  That sparked an industry-first thought leadership series of studies, Humanizing Digital.  These insights not only drove digital campaign after digital campaign for my client, but also elevated my team within and outside of the company.

Of course the subject of beauty made its way into the video.  Like I have done in this blog for years, I encourage us to embrace it.  So many people I know see the subject as frivolous and therefore, unsuitable for intelligent business women or men to discuss.  Bull shit. There is no reason to not to weave beauty into our daily lives and let it inspire and empower us.  Yes, we can embrace beauty AND brains!

Ok, I think you get the gist. ¬†I realized it‚Äôs time to fully buy my own seemingly random but fruitful, fun, expansive approach to life and inspire others with it.¬† I’m still spinning this concept around so I would LOVE your feedback. ¬†Or at the very least have fun watching the video :).¬† Click the image below to watch.

Can Brick & Mortar Fashion Retail Resurrect Itself? A #Video Conversation with #experientailretail — Le Board — Answers the Question

Hello readers!¬†¬†Apologies for being so out of touch. I’ve been caught up experiencing¬†some great beauty and fashion experiences¬†that I¬†will THEN write about.¬†¬†And… I’m writing¬†a book!¬† Yep. In fact, I will be surfacing some of my book via Beautyskew over the next months to get your take on it.¬†¬†

But¬†now¬†let’s go back¬†to the topic at hand.

Henri Bendel, a fashion institution for close to 125 years, is shutting it’s doors.¬† It joins a long list of retailers.¬† Living in Manhattan I see the demise of retail, especially fashion retail, all around me as almost every block near my neighborhood displays at least one for rent sign.

The struggles retail are experiencing are not new.¬† Thanks to online shopping, retail, especially fashion retail, it is in bad shape.¬†¬†I’m as much to blame as the rest of us.¬† I really hate clothing shopping.¬† I hate the process of going to a store, then trying to find something, ANYTHING, that fits my body and the look I’m going after.¬† I hate waiting on lines, I hate¬†poor sales help and I hate the atmosphere of being surrounded by loads of clothes that¬†squeeze me.¬† So I stopped shopping.¬† I hired an amazing stylist and we shop online and occasionally run into a store and where she finds me everything.

But I’ve always been a believer in the role of a great fashion shopping experience.¬† I just think most brick and mortar retailers¬†haven’t cracked it.¬†With perhaps a few exceptions out there, most clothing stores see the retail space as a depot to unload their inventory.¬† ¬†Yet, physical spaces can offer SO much more, especially more than online experiences.¬† They can offer a sense of adventure, customization,¬†emotion¬†and true style.¬† They we can be meeting grounds and places to experience new sensations.¬†¬†Sure, physical spaces allow us to literally try on the styles.¬† But it’s more than that.¬† It’s only in a physical environment¬†can you feel, smell and¬†examine¬†the¬†the stitching, fabrics and textures.¬† ¬†In this era of¬† online-everything, we crave the physical — maybe even more so.¬† We’re still human, and it’s a fundamental need to want to connect with the physical spaces a places around us.¬† In anthropology¬†this need is called “place making.”

And¬†it’s only in a physical environment¬†that¬†we can connect with human beings in a nuanced, deeply emotional way.¬† These humans can be¬†expert stylists who seek to¬†truly understand our¬† bodies;¬†our needs and our aspirations or other like-minded people who want to share¬†— whether that’s their excitement around fashion or feelings about other issues.¬†¬†There’s no surprise there is still love for the open bazaar or¬†souk¬†or¬†shuk.¬† These are places where shoppers shop, yes, but more than that they come together to share in a cultural experience. (I happened to have written my senior Anthropology thesis on the topic so I’m very close to it.)

Good news, I think I found such a retail space that gets it:¬†Le Board.¬† Conceived and developed by Creative Director,¬†Sofia¬†Karvela¬†(who also happens to be my stylist — lucky me!)¬†and CEO,¬†John Aghayan, ¬†Le Board is a retail experience that merges fashion with entertainment¬†and, ironically, leverages the medium of immersive technology¬†and¬†human interaction.¬† It can host events like trunk shows, offer immersive tech experiences like holograms and VR “Behind-the-scenes,” and¬†share the talent of thought leaders via panel talks, and art shows.¬† ¬†Another bonus?¬† Opening end of September, the store promotes brands of women-led businesses.

Beyond the¬†many different aspects of Le Board, is the the feeling the experience evokes.¬† ¬†The ultimate mission¬†of Le Board,¬†Karvela¬†explains, is to provide a place where “women could feel a part of something a little bigger‚Ķwe created this space so we could bring women together to feel inspired‚ĶWomen with goals‚Ķto give them hope to believe that whatever they want to do can happen. We use fashion as a great to avenue to bring these women together to create a look for themselves to inspire to go out there and do great, big things.”

Let’s hear it directly from Karvela in the¬†interview¬†I conducted at the shop a week ago.¬† (By the way,¬†I’m wearing a latex dress which was related to the event which Le Board hosted,¬†Social China…You can hear it in the background :)) Click image below for interview.

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